Being a parent sure has its ups and downs. From hearing their first words to waving goodbye on their first day as a senior in high school, to seeing your children find and follow their own path. Having children is full of significant life events.

But there’s one big event in family life that many parents struggle with. And that’s when their children leave home.

I am Nupur and this is my story. I share it here because I believe many of us find ourselves go through a similar journey. I’m here to share that having lived through it and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I sincerely hope you enjoy the read.

I have always had a very busy family life, what with 3 kids and a loving husband - we were a full house of energy. Top that up with a full time career as an educator and life became a constant balancing act because to me, both home-life and work were my priority.

As an educator at Bishop Cottons Boys School in Bangalore was most fulfilling, having the opportunity to nurture my students in various aspects of their lives - memories I cherish to this very day. Of course mistakes were made, but wisdom teaches you that in hind-sight they turned out to be the best life lessons.

Time flies when you’re enjoying life and soon my children were ready to fly the nest to pursue further studies and careers overseas. At this juncture, I found that I suddenly was faced with what is popularly known as the 'Empty Nest Syndrome’. I was around 50 yrs at this point.

I missed them tremendously. Returning home from school there was a tremendous void greeting me instead of Bruce Springsteen's songs in full volume and the excitement of a full home. My very busy role of motherhood had physically disappeared and very quickly evolved into long distance parenting. Nothing prepares you for this.

After a brief spell of sadness, I had no choice but to come to terms with this new situation. After all it was very natural. Grown up children will move away to live the life of their dreams. With this realization, I decided to adapt to this new life starting with something as huge as realizing and relishing my new found freedom. I noticed, the balancing act was done and I actually had time to look within, devote to myself and delve into my interests - all of which was put aside for the paucity of time earlier. I now found that there was time to accompany my husband on his business trips abroad so I could also see the world and I even developed a new hobby of Photography. Life was beginning to look good!

Ten years down the line came my next big phase - Retirement. Given that life was for the major part was hectic, I remember I would find myself often looking forward to retirement as some much needed time to pause. To rest. However, just a few months in, I very quickly realised that lifestyle was not for me. I was in no way ready for a permanent vacation. I realized that instead the time had come for me to find 'Myself' - my own identity, and decide how I wanted to spend this 'Third phase' purposefully. I’m proud to share that I literally took steps to reinvent my life - in a totally different world from the one I had been used to for the past six decades.

I picked up the reins of a gift I was born with. Painting. A gift that I suppressed for most of my life due to life’s priorities and commitments. Initially when I was drawn to it, many doubts surfaced. Could my creativity be declining with age, will my hands be steady and so on. At this juncture I realized the true meaning of the adage “Age is just a number as nothing really diminished as long as you were focussed on it.”

It was now or never. So started looking out for like minded people. It was at this time of my life that I very serendipitously visited an event that I had read about in Bangalore that piqued my interest - The Silver Bazar by The Silver Surfers Club at Opus back in the year 2014. I was so delighted to find that it was a flea market hosted by seniors. All the stalls were being managed by seniors just like me!! And I witnessed first hand, that they were having the time of their lives selling their merchandise to the visitors - from clothes to furnishing to, to beautiful hand made pottery, delicious homemade condiments, live food counters, live music and so much more. The energy was dynamic, contagious and just what I needed for that final push to find myself! I just knew that I had to be a part of that energy, the laughter, joy and happiness that filled the atmosphere of people who were leading a purposeful life with full vigour and intensity.

This is how I met the organiser of the Silver Bazar Dipti Varma Narain, the Founder of this amazing community The Silver Surfers Club. And right there, in that moment I became the first member of The Silver Surfers Club.

My Art Journey

My time was mine alone now. With an extremely encouraging and supportive husband backing me, I decided to rebuild my passion in art. I invested in art books, subscribed to YouTube videos and looked up practically every source of information I could find to teach myself to become an artist. Today as I near my 70s, I look back on the art shows I have held in India and the US accumulating experience in different mediums of art like acrylics, oils, sketching with graphite, charcoal and pastels. I also thoroughly enjoy indulging in creative craft where any surface can be your canvas, from dinner plates to wooden coasters. Even old furniture can get a face lift!

Today as a confident self-taught artist and teacher, I can assure you that art and craft at our age stimulates the mind, it often relieves tensions, grief which we cannot express otherwise and so much more. Introducing my Silver students to tools to create motivates me tremendously. I do believe that if you can draw a line you can paint.

My take away from this journey

My one takeaway from my journey is that life is never going to be a straight line. It will challenge us and throw curveballs at us with each new phase. However, the greatest gift we have is to believe that we can overcome them with fortitude and determination. Nurturing ourselves and building up our determination to move forward is vital at this age.

My advice to Seniors and Empty Nesters

Both Retirement and facing 'Empty Nests' are inevitable phases most people will face. But the good news is that these phases are transitional and carry you into very different worlds. They are very challenging since for many years our ‘sense of self' and our identities have been invested in our children, our families, our professions. Inculcate an optimistic thought process, a proactive mindset. Nothing has diminished! Do not allow feelings of emptiness or loneliness to overcome you. It is all in your control.

Make plans to keep yourselves busy, pursue a hobby, revive an old passion - there is so much more. Believe in the adage 'health is wealth’, include daily exercise and mindful eating. My most favourite motto is to 'Retire from work but never from life.’ That is how the third phase becomes a celebration till your very last day.

This article has been beautifully written and narrated by Silver Surfer Nupur who has been a member of The Silver Surfers Club for 8 years and continues to be a positive energy and source of inspiration to all of us

If you or someone you know is finding it difficult to cope once the kids have flown the nest, we hope this article can offer you a little light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to this beautiful new phase in your life. Click here for a few more ways to help you cope.

If you or perhaps your parents, an older relative, a mature neighbour or a senior mate coping with the empty nest syndrome could benefit from a wider friend circle, activities to stay engaged and a good doze of travel therapy, connect with us here!